HBO Sucks

So you have that Sopranos ending that pissed LITERALLY EVERYONE ON EARTH off after dragging out the better part of a decade’s worth of loose ends into did my cable signal just go out then Six Feet Under’s main character had a defect in his brain introduced in the first season that could’ve KILLED HIM AT ANY TIME OH MY FUCKING GOD and then went away for five years while they dicked around with this same guy getting back with an ex who he met in the first episode before he met his future-wife who at the time was his roommate whom he actually slept with way in the past before the stuff that happens in the part we get to see which essentially begins when he met his “ex,” the one he slept with while he thought his roommate/future (ex-)wife/widow(to-be)/whatever had ran off because she found out he cheated with the “ex” from the first episode (not the one who he had already slept with when the first episode started; the one he slept with as the first episode started) when in fact she had run off because she was cheating with her own brother in law who also turned out to be the headsplosion guy’s brother in law in law or whatever but only later once he married the second first ex thats how marriage works which was a situation dating back to before ANY OF THIS SHIT HAPPENED WHATSOEVER INCLUDING US WATCHING OR ALAN BALL CONCEIVING OF THE FIRST EPISODE and in the end it turns out the brother-in-law killed her and it doesnt matter whose brother in law he was while killing her shut up because everyone ends up related to this murdering son of a bitch in the end BECAUSE ITS A SHOW ABOUT A FAMILY REMEMBER and then anyway in the last couple episodes BOOM THE GUY’S FUCKING HEAD FINALLY EXPLODES (the guy on the show. Not yours) then they fade to black





then the next fucking episode starts and we find out HE MADE IT THROUGH!!! GO SURGERY!!!! and it’s all WOW! LIFE! and then about what seems to be a half hour later maybe in the same episode even his head explodes again they kill him for good the end LIFE IS A BITCH now imagine hearing someone take six years telling that story that’s “Six Feet Under” except if you’ve ever seen “American Beauty” it’s sort’ve magical in that some weird odd neverending way because it’s made by the same guy oh and they ran “Oz” out long enough that they were willing to act like they thought it wise to do a story about a magic pill that ages inmates the exact number of years they were sentenced so they could go back out immediately and lower prison population and OMG WHAT ABOUT THEM BEING UNREHABILITATED shaddap they’re ancient and crippled and harmless OK BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NUMBER OF YEARS MOST OF EM ALREADY MUST HAVE SERVED FOR THIS UNIVERSE TO BE INTERNALLY CONSISTENT uhhhmmmmmm so anyway Keller has biological weapons wow oz was great back during the “story is simple: a man lives in prison and dies. How he dies? That’s easy. The who and the why is the complex part. The human part. The only part worth knowing…” bit FROM THE FIRST MINUTE OF THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE FIRST SEASON HERE IT IS AGAIN IN THE LAST MINUTE OF THE LAST EPISODE OF THE LAST SEASON HA HA THATS WHAT YOU CALL A CODA SON THATS HOW WE DO IT UP IN H-TOWN the end. That was uhm, I think 7 years our time.

On the other hand, Deadwood was AMAZING for two seasons of constant COCKSUCKERing and CLENNNNNNCHing and then wait theater? THE END also Rome wTHE END.

It’s all or nothing with these people.

1 comment
  1. slimove said:

    at least with true blood, it’s supposed to be ridiculous, right from the start.

    and we got the wire. that turned out pretty well, even if the 5th season stretched credulity just a wee bit.

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